When I bought my house, nearly two years ago now, it was a rather strange old building. The living space was at the front, overlooking the street, and several outbuildings were attached to the rear in a long line. Behind those was the Victorian walled garden. It was a lovely secluded space, well established and tranquil. But you had to enter from a small gate on the side, and there was no view of it at all from inside the house. Once the old stables at the rear had become the kitchen/diner with big glass French doors, it just didn’t make sense to be looking at a wall!
So a couple of weeks ago my very handy boyfriend enlisted the help of a mate and took a sledgehammer to a section of the old wall. Before long there was another pile of rubble and an opening appearing into the garden…
The reveal was exciting but at the same time I also felt a small pang of anxiety that I couldn’t really explain? The opening continued to expand and eventually we had a lovely view from the kitchen to the end of the garden, so we could see the ducks browsing in the flower beds – perfect.
But when I came downstairs the next morning and looked through the doors into the garden I felt oddly exposed. No one can see in but I was used to the wall, and this was different. Walls are a symbol of protection and security, and breaking down a wall often means penetration or defeat. It got me thinking about my own personal story and how, at times, I had constructed a metaphorical wall around myself for protection from hurt. I work hard at keeping my walls down these days but that comes with some vulnerability, and I think this is what I was reminded of when confronted with my missing piece of wall that morning. A new side wall and gate will provide the added shelter and protection required to make the space feel good. Right now there are no boundaries, and healthy boundaries are very necessary :).
One of the things I really missed about my last house was the vast view of the large garden and being able to see the sunrise everyday. The very convenient in town location I enjoy now means I have a smaller garden without the countryside views, but at least I can see more of the sky and my green space…
1 thought on “Exposed!”
Great post – I can’t believe it’s nearly 2 years!